Ruby

I saw your family today.
Its been months and it was the first time I have seen them since you through me out of your life with no explanation.
Your dad waved first and your brother gave me the saddest smile I've ever seen,
I often wonder what you told them when they asked why I stopped coming around,
You probably just said that you didn't know and you would invite me over soon.
We both know thats not going to happen.
I often miss your family,
Your mother always told me I was welcome under her roof
I wonder if that still stands.
You said recently that you left because I made you feel like a bad friend and that you had to do something for yourself by letting me go but the thing about that is that I was already feeling like a shit person when I still had you because thats what depression does, and after you left I felt worse, I spiraled downwards, and the difference between you and I is that you can let me go and be okay, you are no longer a shit friend because you got rid of the friend, but I cant get rid of feeling like a shit person.
Its sticks to my every thought like how pollen sticks to bees,
You are free to roam and do what you wish now because you are no longer tied down to a weight that you once called a best friend, you left me to carry the weight all by myself, I cant be free.
You don't have to think about me
Or deal with me
Or cope with me anymore.
I hope your family tells you that they saw me today walking around the streets as a broken soul held together with a duck taped smile.
I hope you think about me
And feel that weight.